I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i need some magic done to my vagina
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
