my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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