i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
