Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
All I want is dick and wine.
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