There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize