So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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