His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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