i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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