Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
