Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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