So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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