I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
