I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
