??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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