I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
