just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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