I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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