Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
you never un-have a 4some
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
