I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize