My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Jerry, you need to find god
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
