dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
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