How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
