Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
