This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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