You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize