Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
