i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
