i think my mom watched the whole time
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
