Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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