I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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