laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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