i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
