Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I could fuck to npr.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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