I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize