What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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