I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
