If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
