Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
