i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
