So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
