Hey man sorry I got all grabby
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
