whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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