guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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