Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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