I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
