One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
