Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
