God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize