I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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