oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
