After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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