Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
