I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
