So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
