You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
