After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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