he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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