If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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