were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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