I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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