wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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