From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
