yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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