hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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