You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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