Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
