It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
it glows. i had to have it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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