Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When did angry sex become our thing?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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