Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
