Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
